Whether you’re in a relationship or just struggling to look after yourself in general, remember it happens to the best of us. Many of us are inherently people pleasers, but often it comes at the price of forgetting who we are and neglecting ourselves. I’m sure we’ve all read about positive self-talk and meditating, but none of those worked for me, so I’m here to provide strategies for my girls who also need more concrete answers!
By unplug I mean stop checking your phone constantly and stop worrying about what might be going on in the outside your world. I’m sure whichever friend is in crisis will understand you taking a little longer to answer their “SOS” text (assuming they really care about you). I like to put my phone on do not disturb every morning for at least an hour, so I can set my own priorities for the day, as opposed to answering to my friends, family, coworkers and everyone else who “needs” me.
Schedule the things you like and don’t let anyone get in the way! This is incredibly difficult, but with practice you’ll be a pro. I started by booking yoga or barre classes that required 24-hour notice to reschedule. This forced me to stick to my plan for “me-time” and not drop everything at the last minute for a friend (or heaven forbid – a boy). Slowly, this has helped me to be able to say no to others, and ensure I take my scheduled time everyday!
I’m one for making an excuse to celebrate, but I actually think this is a useful skill. Celebrate the small things you accomplish and you will start to realize how talented and kick-ass you are! You chaired your first meeting, went on a date you almost skipped due to nerves, or sewed your first scrunchie? Doesn’t matter how small you think it may be… make it a big deal, grab a glass of wine or a piece of cake and remind yourself that small victories are still victories!
Being “selfish” is a skill we all have to work on in order to get the most from our lives! Don’t beat yourself up if you are a “yes-man” and are always saving your loved ones in crisis, but never forget, if we aren’t at our best, we can’t fully help those who need us.