Ever found yourself in a relationship in which you are constantly trying to change yourself for someone, always stepping on egg shells around them, waiting for the inevitable eruption, or spending too much time worrying about what they’re thinking? Chances are you’re in a relationship with someone who is insecure.
We’re all insecure, or at least have insecurities about somethings, but if it is holding us (and the people around us) back, its time to make a change. I used to panic when a man I was seeing was upset with me, or got super jealous about insignificant things. Now I’ve realized, that’s a him issue, and I’m better off alone.
If you’re worried you may be in the same situation with a significant other, you may be with someone that just can’t live up to your badass independent vibes. Here are three signs I’ve noticed from insecure partners.
1. Trying to Control Your Relationships and Time
Rule of thumb: if they want you to cut off people you like and care about… probably best to think about it before blindly agreeing just to make them happy. Jealousy can also stem from other areas including hobbies. If they’re jealous you spend time doing something you love instead of being with them 24/7… RED FLAG.
2. Making Discouraging Comments
Yes, they may give kind and uplifting compliments sometimes, but if they’re giving more discouraging and non-constructive criticism, definitely not a good sign. These can be hidden, and are often back handed comments. For example, if you are excited for a new job opportunity and they say “but don’t you think you’d do better with a stable, low profile job?”. True, they may be looking out for your best interest, but always best to evaluate if they have your best intentions are at heart, or are insecure about their own career advancement (or lack thereof).
3. Needing Constant Improvements
Sometimes, insecure people want to show they have high standards, and that you need to change to meet these standards. This often occurs through complaints that things aren’t fun enough, romantic enough, spicy enough… whatever it may be. Sometimes, these may be legitimate concerns, but a secure person will bring it up in a thoughtful, compassionate way. The insecure person will provide complaints with little effort given to solutions.
Of course, every relationship is unique and there are always exceptions. Having insecurities also doesn’t mean the inevitable end to a relationship. It just means potentially having more thoughtful conversations, and being aware of your partner’s feelings, so as to ensure you are looking out for yourself. Relationships are hard and come with a million complications, but as long as you continue to look out for your own happiness, it can all be worth it.
Never forget, it is better to be single than to be in a bad relationship.