Have you ever been really hitting it off with someone (or so you thought)? A friend, a date, even a prospective employer… and then all of a sudden – radio silence? It is next level frustrating. You have no idea if you did something wrong, if you upset them, or if they are okay. Many people use this method of “ghosting” in order to avoid difficult conversations and hurt feelings.
I know we think it’ll be easier, and save the other person embarrassment if we just cut off all communication, but never hearing back from someone of interest usually sends us into a whirlwind of self-doubt and anxious thoughts.
It is difficult to reject people, or to provide hard feedback, but the sooner we get comfortable doing it, the sooner we stop hurting people by ghosting them. I have struggled with this greatly in the past, knowing what to say, how to say it, and where to do it. Can I text him, should I call or meet in person? The most important thing to keep in mind is knowing the core of your message. Don’t lie, don’t exaggerate, just give the basics. This doesn’t mean you have to be brutally honest and explain every one of their character flaws. It just means providing context and rationale, without getting out of it with an easy lie.
For example, if you went on a date with someone and don’t want to see them again because they just weren’t your cup of tea, you can use the following to compose a message.
- Thank them for their time
- Explain (in 2-3 words) why you don’t want to see them again
That’s it. Here is my example, feel free to add yours in the comments:
“Thanks so much for lunch the other day. I had a good time but I don’t see this working out long-term.”
Of course, each situation will warrant different messages, but overall it is important to remember to be brief, honest and respectful!